I will fight.

I usually don’t post about politics, however this goes far beyond that. This is more than a political decision. This is a environmental destruction. That I will not watch happen without trying to take action. I hope my voice will be heard, along with many environmentalist in this province or around the world. The only way to stop this from happening is taking action and speaking up. Lets stand together ❤

Last year I voted for someone who I thought I could trust with environmental concerns. Someone who I thought would fight against pipeline expansions and think deeply about the environmental concerns that go along with them. I feel extremely hurt, betrayed, and disappointed. Although it doesn’t really matter how I feel, because I won’t be directly effected. Those effected will be the first nations who have been fighting for their rights. The countless marine animals and wildlife who will be harmed when an oil spill occurs. It’s truly heartbreaking because they have no voice or say in this. We have to be their voices and we have to be heard.

It really bothers me how decisions about my coast can be made miles away. That the people here somehow have no say. It’s extremely disrespectful how we have to find out the same time everyone else does. That the decisions made are somehow ‘set in stone’ and we don’t have control of it. I have hope that our voices will be heard and the expansions won’t be built. That’s all I can hope for. I don’t believe our prime minister. I don’t trust him and I now believe that he doesn’t have environmental concerns at heart. 

I wish that humans would realize that we don’t run the show. We don’t run the world. They are far greater things on this earth than our needs. We have the knowledge, the technology, and the science to know what is right and how to help situations. Creating a twin pipeline isn’t progress for me. It’s depleting the natural resource and throughout history that has been made to be ‘okay’. I believe it is NOT. It’s upsetting how political leaders only believe that the way to create jobs is with trades, construction, developing. You don’t have to create, build, or develop more of something to create more jobs. The environment is at risk everyday. We as a nation pollute everyday. Creating more risky ways to damage the environment is a huge step back. 

My coast is more important to me than middle class jobs. The marine animals, especially the southern resident orcas, are more important than the ‘new found hope’ we will somehow gain from this. Canada claims to making efforts in reducing our environmental impact. Lowing greenhouse gases and taking a step against climate change. With the approval of the Kinder Morgan pipeline and line 3 pipeline this isn’t the case. This is a huge step back and we aren’t going to be meeting our environmental goals nationally anytime soon.

I will always stand by my coast and stand by my province. The environment is so much more important than people realize, but yet we continue to degrade it. It’s more important than jobs created for Canadians who probably don’t appreciate the rich amount of nature we do have her. Our province, our country is magical and thriving with life. Life greater than our own needs. Once political leaders realize that this earth is more important than what we do here, maybe more action will be taken to protect our environment instead of destroying it. 

Take action today.. Your voice will be heard. We need to make change and make political leaders realize that we can’t claim to care about the environment if we approach risky pipelines that will damage our environment. Be the change!

Love yours, in this case, love your planet.

Michelle Xox

Being a mom is the best thing I am. 

Becoming a mom has been the best experience of my life. I could never picture my life without my daughter. She’s made me realize that everyday can bring you joy and happiness. I love being with her. I love being her mom. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I have always had anxiety throughout my life. It’s always hard to talk about or understand. Before having Alison I always wondered if I would be a good mom or if I would do things ‘right.’ I’ve realized now there is no right way. You honestly have this motherly instinct come over you and all you want is what’s best for your baby. I was never really nervous to give birth… I was more nervous for the after part. Being a mom. Figuring things out. The first night with her I didn’t sleep at all. I held her in my arms. Fed her, watched her sleep, wondered how this little beautiful girl was growing inside me. It’s truly amazing what the woman body can do. I love my body so much for being able to support her. During those moments in the hospital I became more eager to get out and to just learn with her in becoming a mom. 

Before you go home with baby the nurses make you watch a video about infants, babies blues, basically something to prepare you for when you go home. After the video I was more nervous as I thought my baby would cry constantly and I would lose my mind. Come to find that worry was for nothing. I am truly blessed with the happiest baby I could have ever dreamed of. She smiles and laughs more than she cries. She is curious and friendly more than she is shy or scared. Ali has really made me realize many things in life. That you can take joy in the little things. You don’t need much to feel joy or happiness. You can learn and grow everyday. Being open to change, growing, and learning is how I get through everyday. She makes it so easy to get up in the morning. No matter how exhausted or tired I am. I am always so excited to see her. To learn next to her. To see her grow and grow along with her. Everyday I become a better mom, because she is an amazing daughter.

I truly never thought things would go by so fast. You hear “they grow up fast” constantly, but it is so true. Alison is almost one and that is just a crazy concept to me. It feels just like yesterday I was holding my little girl and all she did was sleep and eat. I miss those moments so much but now she’s crawling, talking, playing, eating solids.. It’s really surreal. With every moment I miss there is a new milestone that she reaches. You just take it all in and it’s such a beautiful moment. I am so lucky to have such a happy, healthy, beautiful, smart and strong baby. I’m so thankful for her and all she’s done in my life already. I’ll always enjoy being her mom. It’s best thing I am ❤

Everyday being a mom is the best thing I am. I am so lucky.

Love yours,

Michelle Xox.

You know.

Throughout life we are always navigating through different obstacles. Some we may know of while others are completely out of the blue. It’s important to have others around us in life. It’s important to let others into your life. I’m so thankful for the people in my life who I know have my back. Who I know I can trust or talk to for advice. We should all have someone we are comfortable to talk about our lives with. This person could be anyone, but really is should first be you.

Lately I’ve been saying it’s important to let others in. Although this can’t fully happen unless you let yourself into your life. If you truly take time to listen to your inner self you’ll be more sure. We always wonder if we are doing things right. We ask for second opinions. We seek advice. Sometimes from a complete stranger. Although I feel we should be connected with ourselves enough that we know what is the best option. I talk to myself quite often and it’s good to have ‘pep’ talks with yourself. In the end you are in control of your life. You may not know it, but you do have control. You do know what is best for you because you know you. Seeking advice is important. I love seeing different sides, although I feel you must first be in touch with yourself. That way you can be sure with what you need or deserve. 

Being aware of your worth let’s you have control of your life or your feelings. When you know you are worthy of something you don’t hold back. You take risks even if you fail. You try even though you may fall. You listen better. Listen to what your mind and heart is needing. Listen to others and most importantly yourself. Next time you are feeling down talk to your inner self. You are stronger than you believe. You know more than you think. You have so much compassion for others and I assure you that you can give that to yourself as well. 

I’ve been taking a bit of a break from social media lately. It’s really nice to just go out and not worry about the online world. More posts will be coming this week though ❤ I’m inspired.

Love yours, 

Michelle Xox. 

Everything changes, even you.

Just like sadness, happiness is an emotion. Feelings change all the time. You aren’t constantly happy at all moments. You are human and you can feel things. Changes happen throughout the day that you don’t prepare for and that is okay. You are alive and you can handle it. I’ve found that the best thing to do is to just feel emotions as they come. Which ever emotion that is. You can’t ever stop sadness, hurt, or worry. Unfortunately those things will happen in life. It’s your choice how to handle these moments. It’s okay to hurt and it’s also okay to move on and feel happiness. Whenever I feel joy I embrace those moments and don’t let go. I remind myself I deserve to feel those moments. Lately, those moments are coming more frequently because I am letting them in. I’m not hiding anymore or dwelling in the should ofs or what ifs. I will admit it’s a hard journey and some days are more productive than others. That’s okay though. I know that my goals, my ideas, my plans will amount to something.

Taylor reminds me everyday that: “Here’s what you’re not. You are not the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know you. Another thing you’re not. You are not damaged goods if you have made mistakes in your life. One more thing, you are not going nowhere just because you haven’t gotten to your final destination yet.” My life has so much ahead of it and I know that for a fact. I am shaping it right now with things I know and learning. Every step that I take will lead me to better things. I trust in that because things are always changing. I know what is best for my future and my life because I know who I am. I know what I deserve and need in life. I will probably make more mistakes as life goes on because I need to. I will face stressful moments or loss or worry. And I will feel all the emotions. Every single one. Because I am lucky to be alive. Lucky to be able to feel emotions and let go ❤

It’s so important to know that our emotions and feelings are changing constantly. Embrace each moment as they come. Stop thinking of the past or worrying about the future. Live for now. Take in the moment for all it is.

Love yours,

Michelle Xox. 

Alison’s birth story. 

It’s been ten months since the birth of my baby girl, but I have never written her birth story. I wish I would have written it earlier as I would have probably remembered more although that time was stressful. I probably wouldn’t have been able to reflect and gather my thoughts if I had wrote it then. I never thought I would share this, but I am excited too as my girl is a strong little one ❤

On January 12th my baby girl Alison was born. The birth wasn’t what I expected, but I am proud of how I handled it. My only view of birth or pregnancy was through the media. It really isn’t as glamours as it is made out to be.. wish I would have known that before! My baby’s due date was January 29th. I always had a feeling that she would be early, but I didn’t know why. On the first week of January I started feeling a bit weird. Itchy weird. I was itchy everywhere, but mostly my hands and feet. I went to google and googled what it could be (I probably googled things over a million times) and found out that it could be Obstetric Cholestasis. I was pretty scared, but ignored it for a few days in hopes that the itching would go away but it didn’t. On Saturday January 9th I went to Royal Columbian with my mom to see if it was a possibility. A couple hours later a nurse came in telling me I had to come in tomorrow to be induced. I was completely shocked. – I didn’t even have my hospital bag ready or the playpen set up but it was time. I knew about induction from my prenatal class. I’m so glad that I attended that because it actually helped me in the moments leading to birth.

The next day I went in before noon and got my first induction. They first used the gel and monitored my contractions. I believe they also gave me some through an IV. They gave me some pain meds and sent me home and told me to come back until I was in active labour. I was in pain, but it wasn’t anything like the active labour I would experience in a couple days. Sunday was a long day and I believe I went to the hospital again but was sent home. I had a bath at home and had some dinner before going to bed early. I slept through the entire night without any pain or interruption which was weird for me. I wasn’t in any pain and things weren’t progressing. I called the hospital and we went back that Monday morning. I was induced again with more gel this time. I was also sent home after this and came backs sometime in the afternoon.

We were going to be sent home again as I wasn’t dilating very much. I believe it was around 5 or 6 and we were waiting for a doctor to check to see how dilated I was now. The nurse tried, but they couldn’t figure it out so we were waiting for a doctor. Can I just say checking to see how dilated you are hurts more than birth. Gosh it was terrible. Anyhow, the doctor was in a c-section pregnancy and it was taking longer than expected. Hours went by and the pain kept getting worse. I had laughing gas, which actually did make me laugh and helped a bit.. but when the back pain started I knew that I wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally. I was so against getting any pain meds, but learning about it more made it more of a possibility. Around 9 we finally got sent to a birthing room. I was in so much pain I don’t remember how I got there. I remember attempting to take a shower before the epidural came, but it didn’t help at all. When I got the epidural I felt as though I was going to pass out. I was in so much pain from the contractions and my back felt like it was going to break. Everything was blurry for me and I saw black spots. Once I had the epidural I felt much better. I was able to relax and get some sleep.

I slept for a couple hours and woke up around 11:30. I woke up thinking ‘man I need to shit’ and I told the nurse i needed to poop. All she said was “NO” and said to wait and not to push. Tyler woke up excited now and my mom was also thrilled. My birth plan was to just have Tyler in the room for the birth, but I realized I needed more support than that. My mom and dad were both there and I’m glad they were. The birth was filmed (which i never thought i would do) but I am glad I have that memory. I waited about 5-10 and then my doctor arrived. Thank goodness. The doctor that gave birth to me gave birth to my daughter and I will always treasure that. I stating pushing around 11:40. It was the strongest I have ever felt. It was such a surreal experience. When I first walked into the maternity ward I heard screaming. I thought for sure I would scream in pain, not able to continue, but I didn’t scream once. I felt like such a strong bad ass. I listened to my doctor, pushed when I needed to, and breathed when I needed to. It honestly felt like forever, but when you see a head down there.. An overwhelming feeling comes over you and you just have this instinct to get this baby out. When her head was out enough my doctor realized the cord was wrapped around her neck. Which I never really expected at all. I couldn’t push and she cut the cord while she was still inside me. I wanted delayed cord clamping so badly, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Ali’s life was. She came out shortly after she cut the cord and she was quickly placed onto me. I saw but in a blink of an eye she was gone. It was silent. There wasn’t crying and I thought I heard someone say “she isn’t breathing.” The nurse called for more help and there were tons of nurses. I laid on the bed alone while I watched everyone try to revive my baby across the room. I didn’t know it would happen like that. I didn’t get the first picture with all the gunk still on her as I wanted. It was so scary. I left alone unaware of what was happening. Tyler told me “it’s okay” and in that moment you feel as though it is. It’s what you learn after the birth months later which is the scary part, but I won’t get to that. Anyhow, which seemed like hours Alison finally took her first breath. They weighed her (5lbs 9oz❤️️) and finally was able to hold my baby. I wanted skin to skin. Before she was placed on my chest we decided she was born at 12:37. Which I thought was funny because you really just guess the time since no one is really paying that much attention to the clock. When I finally got to see her it was so surreal. She looked up at me and was so calm. It was such a beautiful moment and I realize I created this beautiful human. It really is amazing what the human body could do.

Giving birth has made me realize things don’t go as planned. Sometimes you don’t get the picture of her right after birth. Sometimes the unexpected happens. Sometimes it isn’t all glamours. No matter how my pregnancy and birth experience was for me I wouldn’t change a thing. I am so thankful for my doctor and the nurses who helped my baby girl. She is so strong and I knew she would get through this. I never thought I would have to experience that, even for my first baby and I’m not going to lie it has scared me. Birth is such a miracle and but when something goes wrong it’s as if times stops. All I can do now is look back and be proud. Proud of how I handled things.. Proud of my strength and Alison’s. Everything was meant to happen as it did and I’m so happy with how things have turned out. I have the best baby girl anyone could ask for. I’m glad I finally decided to write this. I have been for a while. I’m glad to share this experience with you. Have you ever created a birth story? Maybe it’s time to look back. I was scared to write mine because of all that happened, but it is good to look back and reflect. Things do turn out okay. I believe that. ❤️

Love yours,

Michelle Xox

Do something that scares you.

Facing your fears is easier said then done. It’s hard to push yourself out of your comfort zone because we like comfort. We stay in our own bubble because we feel safe there. There’s nothing really wrong with that. It’s good to be comfortable and feel safe, but what we often forget is that we can be comfortable in places we have never been. We can find safety in things that scare us. New experiences can be exciting and you won’t know until you try something.

Today I joined a gym. Something I have wanted to do for a while now. I was scared of the judgement and making time for going. I’ve realized that it doessn’t matter about the other people there. They have their own goals as do I. I will focus on myself and the reason why I want to be there. As for time ther are many hours in a day. If I want to make time for something, I can. I am so excited to go to a gym again. It’s been years! I use to go to good life fitness and it was a great gym. I don’t know much about fitness or working out to be honest. But i am excited to learn and take care of myself. 

There’s always something that we desire or want to do. Our inner doubt usually takes over, but it doesn’t have to. Write your passions or your goals.. Then decide which ones you want to take action on. Which one scares you the most? You could try that one! For this week do what it takes to accomplish this. Even if it is taking time for yourself, going out for dinner, or a movie. You could start with something small and work towards something bigger. You are worth the long term goals that you have. You don’t have to wait forever.  You can take time now to change ❤

Love yours,

Michelle Xox

Accept it.

It’s really hard to admit when you have an issue or problem. If your patterns of living isn’t really working and you want out.. if you are currently fighting a battle, as I know many are, know you aren’t alone.. It is okay to take a moment and really think about your life. Do you want to change? That’s a big step. Accepting your problems and admitting you need help takes a lot of courage and strength.

I would also sweep things under the rug or distance myself from the truth of how I was feeling. I learnt that it is okay to feel. Any emotion. Feeling is so important.I think we should also feel our emotions whether good or bad because everything can change. We can move forward and move on. It is a choice. It’s our choice.

Even if you aren’t at this point yet, I assure you you’ll get there. Change is really scary. It is.. but what is eben scarier is feeling trapped and unhappy for years.. You are so important and worthy of your own happiness. You don’t need someone else to validate your worth. ❤ 

Since the time change I have been extremely exhausted. Alison hasn’t been sleeping as well as she use to and it’s surely been taking its toll of me.. all I remember is that every night I get woken up there’s always something positive to think about. Why? Because there is so many amazing things happening right now. I just have to look around and see it. You can too ❤

Love yours, 

Michelle Xox