I’ve had my ED since I was in grade 7. I would remember restricting so many foods, under eating, binge eating, purging. Feeling so bad for eating a food labeled as bad. That went on throughout high school. I was embarrassed to eat around people and felt extremely bad if I got a piece of pizza over a salad. This made me feel depressed, worthless, ugly, ect ect.
I’m 24 now and finally seeing that food is just FOOD. Here to fuel my body. Diet culture has made certain foods appear ‘bad’ or foods to ‘avoid’ when in reality all foods are good foods. It’s all about the portion and consumption of those foods. It obviously wouldn’t be good to eat 10 burgers in one sitting as it wouldn’t be good to eat 10 full size salads. BUT a burger and a salad are essentially the same thing. They are a food used to fuel and give us nutrition.
A huge part of my recovery has been creating a healthy relationship with food and knowing that I can eat what I want. You must be thinking.. “wow she must be ‘unhealthy’ if she eats what she wants all the time” but that isn’t true. I eat what I want because I can. If I want a cookie I’ll eat a cookie without feeling guilt and when I’m finished eating the cookie I will stop once I’m full. Why? Because that cookie will be there tomorrow. I don’t need to overeat or indulge on one ‘cheat’ day because ALL foods are available to me at ALL times. I have a choice in what I eat, how much, ect ect. I fuel my body when I’m hungry and stop once I’m full.
I ask myself when I eat:
- am I hungry?
- is this food satisfying to me?
- am I full?
Having these thoughts in my mind really helps me understand what I am eating and how I feel when I am.. What do I mean by “is this food satisfying to me?” For example… My mom brought home cupcakes this week, I’m not the biggest fan of cupcakes anyhow but I appreciated the gesture. My parents ate the cupcakes that night, but I wasn’t very hungry and decided not to. The next day my mom told me the cupcake wasn’t good and it was disappointing ect ect. I realized then, I truly didn’t need the cupcake. Just because it was there doesn’t mean I needed to eat it. If a food doesn’t taste good to us we don’t need to eat it! Also, if I want to truly enjoy a cupcake I would rather it be a good one!
What I’m saying is this.. – food is simply FOOD. It’s not good or bad. They don’t have feelings. Your veggies won’t care if you eat a burger or vice versa. Diet culture has made us believe that we need to eliminate certain foods, sometimes you may need to because of allergies, BUT what diet culture doesn’t tell you is that you can live a happy healthy life eating ALL foods. They don’t want you to know – because they are making pretty good profit off of diet plans, juice cleanses and weight loss schemes.
Diet culture has created distorted body images and unhealthy relationships with food..
For once I’m taking control of my eating disorder and choosing recovery everyday. I am stronger than this and for me that is creating a healthy relationship with food.
What does recovery look like to you?
PS; you are worthy of choosing recovery and having a healthier relationship with food. It has taken me many years of trail and error. Learning, growing, researching and realizing my worth. Recovery is possible 💗