I’m usually online, a lot. Writing about my days, my struggles, my random worries or how I get through things. Posting random pictures that mean nothing or artwork that I’m passionate about… but it feels weird now. Since the pandemic was officially called just that, it’s been exhausting being online. It’s impossible to hide the word “covid-19” “corona virus” or as a certain ignorant leader calls it the “Chinese virus” when scrolling online. Seeing the constant news that change daily sometimes even hourly… The jokes, the memes. I guess that is how we cope now? By making jokes about a situation that is becoming increasingly destructive day by day. We need to take this seriously. We need to think about what we’re doing, saying and the ripple effect it will have. Right now and tomorrow.
Before this all began, globally. Let’s say, 2019. Anxiety was something I felt everyday. Especially about the uncertainty of our earth, the world, the environment, weather, wars, disease, ect ect. Random things would scare me like getting in a car accident, getting hurt by someone, getting in trouble the list goes on and on… Living with anxiety is having constant fear that the world could end at any moment or something awful could happen without any control over it. Now, with almost all these fears coming true. With more panic, more anxiety around me my mind is just feeling, confused? I know the reality of what is happening, I know the severity of what is happening in my community and in the world. It’s just beyond shocking to come to terms with. This is real life right now? This is all happening? My anxiety. My fears. Are here. And they are nothing but valid reactions.
Before this became what it is today I was starting my journey of getting well again. I got back on my medication and started reaching out more. I saw a counselor and started group therapy. I found new resources and starting applying for things that would benefit me. I finally felt comfortable getting out there. Helping myself and reaching out. Now, there’s self distancing. Things get canceled. Self quarantining yourself is becoming more and more common. Which make me feel like how I did in the past… Before when I would stay indoors it was a bad thing, I would avoid everything because I was anxious, now I am avoiding because it’s the safest thing to do. It’s scary. Learning that this is the new normal for right now. That it’s okay to be inside and not do as much as I’m use to.
I’ve found throughout this time we can look at in many ways. It is scary. The uncertainty of our days. Our feelings and fears are valid. We can be anxious, but we also see the beauty still here. The spending more times with loved ones. Taking our moments to slow down and give ourselves time to feel AND heal. We must learn new normals now. That it is okay to rest and self isolate. That connections of love can be made and felt in others ways. I never would have thought that 2020 would have started this way. Is it even 2020? Or are we in some alternative universe where time is slowing down or standing still… Who even knows. But we are getting through this. As a country in Canada and this world.
Through all the anxiety. All the panic. All the fear. Please know, there is still good. There is still fun to be had. There are still connections to be made. Just in new, different ways. We will get through this. We will. ❥